testify to love

at blairgowrie yacht club now
the weather's turning hot
the flies are coming in
SUCKS

haha, anyway this trip has been unexpectedly fun so far
scott just joined us yesterday and he's real tall now-taller than peiming. now that's TALL.

racing starts tomorrow and we're now waiting for practice race to start but there's not much wind so we might not be sailing. the olympic team is smart-they left ALREADY.

we had bbq on christmas night and that was fun!

i want to find a vampire for myself. and i shall name him edward

christmas eve
joshua's birthday
the day i arrive in melbourne-alone
the day my family is finally reunited in i-no-longer-know-how-many years



i've been meeting old friends the past few days and i'm loving every moment of it.

zhixian asked me that night, 'hey do you remember this guy called atiff? he was in our p3 p4 class.'
i said, 'yeah! i remember! he even sang me a song in class once..(that was in p3! haha).. how's he?'

zhixian: oh he died.

apparently some geylang united guy died of over exhaustion while playing soccer a few years back. and that was him.
(well, his dream was to play for geylang united)



we make decisions everyday. sometimes we don't know if they are right or wrong. but most of the time, we do. and now, i would like to tell bob that i love him very much.

i think i'm hungry, so i'm going to eat.


Picture of You- Boyzone
Didn't they say that I would make a mistake
Didn't they say you were gonna be trouble
People told me you were too much to take
I couldn't see it, I didn't want to know

I let you in, and you let me down
You messed me up and you turned my life around
Left me feeling I had nowhere to go
I was alone how was I to know that

You would be there when I needed somebody
You would be there the only one could help

I had a picture of you in my mind
Never knew it could be so wrong
Why'd it take me so long just to find
The friend that was there all along

Who'd believe that after all we've been through
I'd be able to put my trust in you
Goes to show you can forgive and forget
Looking back I have no regrets cos

You would be there when I needed somebody
You would be there the only one could help me

I had a picture of you in my mind
Never knew it could be so wrong
Why'd it take me so long just to find
The friend that was there all along

You would be there when I needed somebody
You would be there the only one could help me

I had a picture of you in my mind
Never knew it could be so wrong
Why'd it take me so long just to find
The friend that was there all along

Had a picture of you in my mind
Never knew it could be so wrong
Why'd it take me so long just to find
The friend that was there all along

You are always gonna be my love
Itsuka dareka to mata koi ni ochitemo
I'll remember to love
You taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
Atarashii uta utaeru made



(no idea what the jap means, but i love this song.)

i did meet fazly and ashwin in the end last night. it was SO FUN. as always. takes my mind of everything else.

went to jalan kayu for a drink and chilled at the dam.

i am always proud of my friends.(in normal cases) Ash recently got into U21 soccer. YAY!!! and fazly has been in national hockey for a while now. btw, he got GPA3.89 or something like that. Well done! :)
we were having a conversation about our sports and Ash said,

Ash: eh bun, i think sailing is just damn cool la. imagine you say, 'i'm a sailor... i sail...'. wah lao, compared to me, 'i'm a footballer, i kick balls.'
Fazly: better than me right. 'hi i'm a hocker, i cook food.


give and take guys. that's all there is in life, in love, in relationships.

pang seh jov 3 days because she almost pangseh me for a month. :)


finally got the washing machine running. just swept the floor and did my bed. well done bun.


i can sympathise with him. he's not getting any younger and so i can SORT OF understand.

long day ahead. LOVE!

in office
nsc will be closed from tmr till 2nd jan.
so mummy and jal are both rushing to finish all the work today

so much to catch up with everyone here.
mummy, jal and i just had a sad conversation about giba leaving us in feb.
i don't know how i'm gonna take it when the time comes.
stupid c with the p.
tonight might be meeting ash and fazly. but its eve of hari raya haji, so maybe we might not meet after all. but lets hope so.


it's a blessing to have friends.
i love my friends.

give up hoping. sometimes you got to differentiate dreams and reality. haha.

anyway, tonight was fun. and finally relaxing. like, i don't have any deadlines, exams, training... until the 23rd. about time i got a real break from everything,

aunty and i cooked chicken rice. dinner at koh's. roy and kelvin was there too. what's new? haha. bobby's 2 boyfriends!

anyway, my ASexam was ok. did i talk about my exam already?


tmr busy busy day. lots to do and i'm looking forward to that.

i've been to paradise, but i've, never been to me

exam over. which means i can go out!! or more like, finally have time to settle some important stuff.

i'm tired, mentally. from AS.

life is like a bowl of beef noodles. long, hard to really get hold of.. slippery cos of the gravy and yummy at the same time. haha. i'm talking nonsense. i'm just craving for beef noodles.


sometimes i feel sad for......
where's the love?
haha
btw, sorry.


solitude is what i need. for a moment.

15 minutes before i go 2 floors up for my 2-hour long AS paper.

i don't believe in last minute studying, although sometimes it really really helps. haha. it's the same thing as sailing. no point doing gym, or hard core drills 2 weeks before a major regatta. it's the tapering period. like the day before an exam.

well i only had one day to study for this paper. so.. haha.
god will make a way, when there seems to be no way..

can't wait for it to be over. and tonight is aunty's yummy chicken rice. best in singapore. best in the world. and for the early part of the night, uncle koh will be showing off his cameras and new lens to me. but its good.. i can learn so much about photography from him. and for the later part of the night, i'll be making ginger bread houses!!! with aunty. can't wait.

made something for PB, not sure when i can pass to him. keychain for abang as well. need to collect super warm from justin wong. need to order radial sail for buy from manyi when she gets back. need to try to work the washing machine! haha.

at the prize presentation.


things to do
figure out how to work the washing machine
when i've done that, unpack my luggage
after that, wash my clothes
study for my exam tmr
go for my exam tmr
meet abang and pass him the keychain
pack again, for melbourne
get a racing sail, somehow


haha, i'm feeling the post-great-trip blues
plus exam tmr doesn't make it any better


time to look for a new direction

its not the house. it's the people in the house.

what's being home without the family in it?


i don't really know where daddy and mummy are. and tiff. but anyway i hope they're having a good time.

tmr got to study AS. exam on tuesday! (didn't even know today was sunday until i asked shufen just now) (you see, in thailand, the days didn't matter at all)


i believe many people are wondering if i'm ok. as in you know, the silver and everything.
i am. i really am. who wouldn't be disappointed. but such is life. and i believe that greater things will come my way.

the only regret i have this whole trip is not winning the gold.. but the reason behind this is that, they sent me thinking and BELIEVING i could. if not i wouldn't even have gotten the chance you see. and i didn't. no one said i would. but when someone has so much faith in me, it's just disappointing to end up coming so close, and not achieving it.

other than the congrats and well dones, i received a very interesting comment from a very interesting person: aiyah you ah?.. ok la not bad la..
erm thanks? that made me tear, just once. 7 hours after the race ended.

i didn't give up in any point in time in the whole regatta. and that is something to me.
i don't feel very proud of myself very often, but this, i am proud of.

i made new friends. brothers and sisters. and being with this family for close to a month is just amazing. i loved almost every bit of it. one important point to note: never condemn someone because of his past. everyone gets a second chance some time or another so there isn't anyone who doesn't deserve a second chance.


this sentence is written to remind me that she said sorry after the race.



when u hug someone, hug with your heart. if you don't really want to hug someone, then don't.
if you want to shake someone's hand, shake like you want to. if you don't want to but still have to, still shake like you want to.

our world lacks sincerity and honesty.

there are some things i don't like:

when people do not know their limits
hug rejections, that's just sad
when people say the wrong things at the wrong time
noise, when i'm feeling irritated
people not talking to someone else just because they don't feel like it
leaving a once unfamiliar place that has become all too familiar
to know that a great experience is coming to an end




some things i miss:

breakfast at east coast macdonalds, hotcakes!!
cycling in the evenings
being with my family
morning pt



i love being in a team, especially a great one


i think i need a hug

SILVER

lining

I still have internet connection, for tonight.

exam on the 18th...

measurement was today. it was pretty fast and surprisingly well organised. practice race tmr, and the day after.. the real thing begins. but of cos. tmr is a very crucial day.

i got measured and failed measurement. haha. too fat.



sometimes, u just need a break from people
sometimes, crying is useful
sometimes

anyway, gtg. relax, drink some water, go dinner, briefing, drink more water, relax, then sleep.

i miss D M N and T. please sms me tonight if you read this. no more phones after tonight i think.

just want to tell you guys, i'm good here. having fun and will do my best.

i think today is the last day we get to use internet.
then its silent mode from tomorrow night onwards.
no handphones no internet.

this morning was fun games for pt.

i miss didi mimi nana and thibby

looking through boston photos again. cape cod was fun fun fun.
(i only have boston photos on my com)

its just me rachel and jovina left at the hotel today. everyone is going out for lunch and to walk around at the mall later.

i have just declared war against darren CHOY!! haha. he just decided to stay cos he doesn't want to miss out on the badminton game later.
and rachel created a voodoo bunny of me! SUCKS. haha..
at the lunch table with kelvin, choy, rachel and jov now. and choy doesn't want to eat his carrots.

i love kids. i don't know why. i just do.


my baby choy

tomorrow is a full rest day for the whole team
finally.
mentally drained.

Jov just sprained her ankle.
Josh went for a haircut.
Sherm went for a funny haircut.
Junhao's name has officially been changed to SuperMod.

SL: ...oh, that was back in 1995, i was sailing optimist and we had team racing in Malaysia..
Darren: I was only one year old!!

they were selling lanterns by the beach last night. pay 100baht, they light up the wick for you.
creeth bought one :)
just hold the lantern till hot air fills up most of it and then let go.
up, up, up it goes.
straight up.. then the gentle breeze takes it away offshore.
ours went higher and further than all the other lanterns.

i dreamt last night that we held on to the lantern, and flew up with it..
it was a wonderful dream, the flying feeling.

had a super cute dream a few nights ago..
a huge cartoon looking rainbow appeared right in front of me.. and i tried to hug it.

5th short training
6th measurement and registration
7th practice race
8th racing starts

all in all, we're all good here. everyone's having a good time i think.
internet in the lobby.. how much better can it get?


Need to:
tighten the rudder screw a bit
change the pulley plate for downhaul and outhaul
check all the pulleys
check the universal joint of my tiller extension
try to find a pin for JH's vang!! i need the vang.........

Another quick update.

Rest day today! Finally after 4 days. Haha. (But four days of morning pt, sailing and gym and occasional badminton game)

There's finally internet connection here in the hotel lobby and naturally it has turned into a lan shop. Beside me are Chong, Junhao, Russell, Luke, Wilbur, Darren, Justin, SL and Dan. Playing game.

My COUGH is finally OVER!!

Training's been good so far and i'm having a great time here. And we're all settling in well. Feeling wonderful.
Except that when i return to Singapore, I have AS exam straight away.

Been looking through the Boston photos again. And I miss dad. I shall not reveal his face on this blog.

Finally a short update!

HELLO WORLD.

It's been great here in Pattaya so far. The weather is hot cos there's no cloud cover so we need lots of sunscreen. Everyday strong wind, so we are expecting strong winds when the regatta starts as well. (north east monsoon)

The internet is pretty fast here.. COOL.

My ankle is acting up a bit and it hurts (alot!!) when i hike. It's always first to give way. Even before my hip flexors. The back is usually ok until the last 1/2 hour of training. Kelvin helps me mobilise my back everyday and cracks my upper back. SHIOK.

Hee. It's my rest day today so i have time to use internet. Leaving the club in 15 minutes then walk back to hotel by 12. Lasers, SuperMod and Windsurfers going out for lunch together.

Good News: Our keelboat team won a weekend regatta yesterday at Royal Varuna Yacht Club. YAY!

Just to wrap up, I'm having loads of fun here so don't worry about me, mum dad nana and thib.

some things i really want to do include

getting uni over and done with. haha (i'm 2/35 of the way through)
learning how to play the drums
learning dancing with leeching
visiting i in germany cos i've never really visited friends overseas
swimming in the maldives seas. my friend from maldives told me that every student in the country goes to the beach after school
watching pushing daisies

I SHALL EXPOUND THE TRUTH

koh sometimes feel a bit depressed when he's overseas for long periods of time. i can understand why. i'm sure many others do too. but its a given. with the right attitude, mental health and strength, it is possible to jump out of that state of mind.

u want it, u take it. its as simple as that.
the 17 year old takes it well. she is one tough chick.
in fact, the two 17 year olds take it well.

u don't want it. don't blame the system.
there's nothing wrong with the system. there's something wrong with you.


it is difficult to compare the ability of different people when their strengths lie in different fields.
no one can be the best in everything. take that.

there is no such thing as, with good performance comes rewards and incentives.
if so, with bad performance, we cut your pay.


disappointment: plenty



on a happier note, my BGS exam is over.
meeting BGS group now to finish off report.

BGS exam in 10 hours' time.

Over in about 13 hours' time.

Going to sleep now.

Had a great day today, just because.

you try to make me go to rehab, i say... no...no...no......
addicted to that line of the song rehab.

got a new pretty red macbook casing! LOVE!

went cycling with koh, junhao and aunty dolly today. haha.. it was interesting..

stomach hurts. dr cormac said the antibiotics causes gastric. that sucks.

laughed till i couldn't stop coughing during dinner. it was so fun. koh telling his stupid jokes as usual and making his whole family laugh like crazy.

finished studying 2 chapters for BGS. tmr afternoon will be studying... i'll just study what i can. ah.


tmr morning BGS group meeting for the report.. man. i want all this whole BGS thing to be over soon.....

impt things to do:
take all my gear from my boat
buy new ropes for downhaul
buy new rope for outhaul
cut bungee for daggerboard
buy thin rope for daggerboard bungee
get vang from junhao
(collect money from lo junhao)($2 haha)
pack luggage soon!

want to: eat hotcakes in singapore. (the hotcakes in thailand smell funny)

whenever anyone has something to say against them, i always find myself ready to defend them. (not like its gonna make a difference) i think it's in me already. 7 years with them, i think, and i believe that they are trying and doing the best to instill the best values into the system.

and most of the people who have something to say against them are usually either the ones with all the wrong values or the selfish ones.. or both. SO I DEFEND.

and i will stand by them through it all.
as long as i am still in this system, i will.
and when i'm not, i'll make sure my kids will. haha.


Met Shaun, PQ, Tan, Sam, Zhaoey and Zhichao for dinner. (Which explains the earlier part of my entry). Had sushi tei.. katsu-bon. I mean.. katsu-don. Going to sleep soon.

BGS exam on tuesday morning! AS postponed till 18th Dec. So must study when i'm there?!!! Tmr morning free time, afternoon study.

It's hotcakes tmr morning and i'm looking forward to that:)

It's funny. I really miss Jomtien beach. We should have stopped to watch the sunset longer. It was special to me. Somehow.

WELL WELL. It looks like we're going back to Pattaya soon! But it'll be different this time, and i'm not gonna say why.

Today was a good day. It started at 6.10am. I cycled, HAD HOTCAKES!! yumyum!, swam, had crystal jade lunch with shufen, sailing training, gym then media workshop thing, then beef noodles for dinner. And i'm still wide awake now. I love this feeling.

Felt hyper the whole day. But still got that little bit of cough left. The dry itchy throat thing.

"uncle" Tam: EH!! Cannot be sick!! Please!! Must........

:) Yes Sir!

GOT MYSELF A CHAUFFEUR!

Time flies. Its coming to the end of the year.

It's been a really fast year and hadn't had time to stop, rest and think. But at least I don't I have any regrets. :)

I'm glad it's over. And we can all be happy.

I love dims.
I love mims.
I love thibby.
I love na.

Last few days of training. It's gonna be good. Good good good.

Dry cough. I'll be fine by tmr. I'll be fine. I'll be fine. I'll be fine.

So the question is this: Does beauty lie in the eye of the beholder?

Well, my answer to this question is yes.

My answer will be yes no matter what calculations people come up with- Golden Ratio. According to this rule, things that has this ratio are likely to be beautiful. (Palm length:Fore arm length is 1:1.618 or Mona Lisa's face has the dimensions with ratio 1:1.618.. blahblah) SO? Honestly. Is my arm and palm damn beautiful? And I personally don't find Mona Lisa such a big deal..(SORRY LIS)

You can't measure beauty. Precisely BECAUSE it lies in the eye of the beholder.

Beauty is an illusion. Maybe, maybe not.

Prof Mooney said: All things are beautiful. It is whether you have the knowledge to recognize its beauty. He gave a good example about how many people don't like Shakespears' work at first when they don't have the knowledge of language and culture to understand the beauty in it. But after they have this knowledge, Shakespears' work come to be beautiful.


You are beautiful, no matter what they say..
Words can't bring you down.

If Aloha Changi is haunted. This place is definitely haunted.

Last day of training today, leaving for the club at 9.30. So half hour to go.

Wind has been okay. Lighter than what we're expecting for the games though. But it's good training.

Weather here is pretty dry though.

:)
There is this little boy, SUPER CUTE, who loves the hobie. He's only about 2 yrs old and is always playing with the hobie on shore. SO CUTE.
The Thais are being very nice, the sailors i mean. Patient with us and help us buy lunch. (Junhao even broke the mast step of the super mod and they immediately brought in one more for him from Sattahip.)
Giba and I thinks he should call the king to apologize.
Junhao was talking to a stray dog in his own 'thai' language. Totally cracked me up.. 'at least the dog understand me what'

Last night Jun and I bought a big fish, bigger than my head. The flea market sold everything, from maggots to rabbits(as pets) to fried grasshoppers, clothes, jewellery, drinks, seafood, snacks, shoes, and BIG FISH! It was BBQed and super super yummy.

Nono:
You should never play 'my heart will go on' at the breakfast hall in a hotel.

Presentation over.

They liked it. (I think)
Just like our previous presentation.

One thing less to worry about.

One thing left to worry about.

BUT HEY...

Why worry.

Everything ALWAYS works out.

Out to lunch now and rush home!

Flying in 5 hours.
Leave home for airport(BUDGET TERMINAL! haha) in 3 plus hours.
Go home in 2 plus hours.
Lunch in 2 hours.
Class ends in 1 plus hour.
Presentation in 1/2 hour.
Break in 10-15 minutes.

Formal wear. Business woman.
Skirt's too long, look like ah-ma.
Sleeves too tight, very gang-kor.
Shoes damn uncomfortable.

Won't be seeing mummy in a long time.
Haven't seen TIffany in ages. I don't even remember when was the last time I saw her.
Last saw Shanna and Daddy in July.

Hopefully i'll get to meet everyone in Melbourne after the games.

Feeling quite sleepy now, but can sleep in plane later. 2 hours.
Tonight I have to rush BGS report once I reach the Ocean Varuna Yacht Club in Pattaya. By tomorrow night send to Sherm and he can help me print and hand up to prof on Friday! DEADLINE.

Here's a big thank you to SHERMAN CHUA in advance.
And please change your earring.

Hoping for more free time when I'm in thailand. It's only me Giba and Junhao so it SHOULD be pretty free and easy. *i hope* I'm excited. It's about 12 knots everyday for the past week or so I think. So we're expecting good winds!

hang on siobhan.

bobby's come back on tuesday and i'm flying off on wednesday.
when i come back we'll cook! for our best friend. haha
mummy's flying on thursday and i think i won't be seeing her till after sea games when i go to melbourne.

I have analytical skills presentation tmr and i can't wait to get it over and done with. then after that i have BGS meeting till late. tuesday got training and then rush to bgs meeting till late cos wednesday morning is BGS presentation. and then after class on wednesday got to make sure everything's packed and i'm flying. before i leave school on wednesday i have to hand up my report! Ah....

BUT anyhow, i'm excited about this short trip cos its gonna help me get a bit more mentally prepared. PLUS i'm going there after my 2 presentations and after i've handed up my individual report. so, YAY

i can't keep coughing during my presentation. i need a nap.

i drank like.. 8 big cups of water today so far.

i need sleep

it's about morals, respect, honour, righteousness and everything that traditionally used to be viewed as the ideal characteristics which the members of the human community should assume


i had a very very very good conversation with creeth today and we discussed about how people are being brought up today, with their moral values all mixed up and.. wrecked..basically. and it is tragic.

if people just stop and think for a moment about how certain ethics and morals and even love are so much more important that self-interest and stuff like fame and money, the world WILL become a better place.

but we've reached a stage where it can only get worse

nonetheless he is going to try to make our little league something great, because of his love and passion. it's not idealistic or impractical. it's just a naive and trusting person believing that there is hope and a possibility for us all.

i love all around me and at this point in time, i just want to tell my sister, tiffany, that i love her a lot. just because..

sometimes you just need to know that someone's there.
someone's behind you.
i am behind you.

no one knows and no one bothers to know.
they're all too obsessed with themselves.

i wish i could stand on a stage and announce to the world how wrong they are about everything.
and shout in their face and tell them how the world doesn't just revolve around themselves.

there's something called sacrifice.
and someone has to make them.

but it doesn't always have to be you.

count on us, he said.
thank you:)

wanna bet, they won't see it, she said.
it's ok, i shiok

20min divided by 5 people. that's 4 minutes each!, she said.
nice calculation there

its like longing to see you all, he said.
awww

iBun, hilarious. iDisappear, he said.
u funny caitaokuey

that's why i whole day wear dresses not jeans, she said.
i can fully understand how you feel

like uncle like niece, he said.
i agree abang

i'm offline creep, she said.
yes i know

the dynamic duo strikes again, he said.
i miss BL group

how's the ASSay going?, she said.
pretty good pretty good

how can you possibly be up so early on a sunday?, she said.
how can YOU possibly be up so early on a sunday?

rejoinder,
rapture,
respect.

conversations,
signification,
appreciation.


had your conversation today?

time flies.
ord already..
most of them.

ian's going to germany.
if i go kiel next year, will visit him after.
if i don't but go to belgium, will visit him too!
maybe..


having assignments can be stressful. but fun and fulfilling at the same time.

asked prof to extend the dateline for submission of the final essay to wed. no chance i could have completed it by today since i received my critiques only after class while everyone else got theirs last monday.

prof mooney is funny. my group went to his office today to discuss somethings. guess what. tiger beer cans.. whiskey.. why am i not surprised. no wonder he goes to class high most of the time.


i feel like eating a scone now. i love scones.
make me happy. buy me scones.

tmr:
have to complete AS essay, print out and file.
sail in afternoon
get ready gear for thailand
make sure i have all the material for BGS report in my macky for when i'm in thailand

1) read the whole of singer on animals essay, pick out main arguments and find flaws in them
2) get started with the first draft of my BGS individual report (only one week left)
3) print out final AS evaluation with 2 critiques (remember with cover page)
4) research on the BGS presentation stuff and get my part done ASAP (2 weeks left)
5) meet AS group tmr at 1 before meeting prof at 2.30. (class at 3.30) (presentation is in a week's time)
6) contact sherm to ask him about my critique cos he collected for me, plus i have to hand up final essay TMR!! (one day left)
7) get my AS homework from sherm first thing tmr (hand up at 3.30) (oh i got full marks for the previous one YAY!) (one day left)

8) go swim and relax later
9) settle lunch, somehow

Its 1pm now.. plan to finish 1, 3 and 6 by maybe.. 3plus.

Just came home from training camp.

I learnt A LOT. There's so much to learn and so much to do in the next month.
I'm gonna do it.
I'll show myself what I'm capable of.

I'm excited about the coming month.

Me: Hiking is all in the mind.
Gregor: NO! Hiking is all in the legs! Seriously.

Gregor is so funny. He's Slovenian btw! I just found out..

And come to think of it, hiking is all in the mind AND legs.
Seriously.

Sailed 420 with stine back to NSC today and I loved it. Been a while since I trapezed and played around with a spinnaker. More leg space and more free.

Surprising thing is, I like laser better. At least for now. I wanted to hike more, believe it or not.

None but As are Bs
Only Cs are As
So no Bs are non-Cs
Deductively VALID

All As are non-Bs
All Bs are non-Cs
So all As are non-Cs
INVALID

I love analytical skills. Its mind intriguing. Fun........


Try this one:
What is the hidden assumption in the following arguments?
Provided a fetus is a person, it has a right to life.
If abortions are moral, someone does have a right to take the life of a fetus.
If a fetus is a person, abortions are immoral.

a) abortion is murder and murder is immoral
b) if someone has a right to take the life of a fetus, then abortion is not immoral
c) a fetus has a right to life only if no one has a right to take its life
d) abortion is not immoral unless the fetus has a right to life


The choices of answers sounds like an argument themselves. Haha.


Easier one: What can validly be inferred form the following statements?
A) If a word is a name, then every sentence is a list.
B) Lists do not have truth values.
C) Some sentences have truth values.

a) some words are names
b) some words are not names
c)no sentences are lists
d) nothing can be inferred



Had dinner with pete fern creeth ivan and bobby.
I think angmohs have a better sense of humour..
Their jokes aren't exactly offensive(unlike some singaporean jokes)..in fact. they're super funny.

Slept from around 11pm-4am. Sharp pain in stomach.
Continued sleeping from 4am-7am. Same sharp pain plus cold sweat.
Slept till 8am. Woke up and asked Yaya to bring me PoChai pills.
Went back to sleep till around 10am. Finally woke up and and had SEVERE diarrhea and a bit of vomitting.

Felt very digusting to be soaked in cold sweat but had no energy to bathe or change.

Went out to the living room and slept on the new sofa. Woke up at i'm not even sure what time to eat a few spoonfuls of plain porridge.
Continued to sleep till around maybe 4pm or 5pm.
Went back into my room and slept till 9pm. Woke up to eat porridge in the living room after taking a quick shower.
Slept on sofa again till around 11pm or so, when mummy came back.
After a while, I went to sleep again at around 11.30pm till this morning at 11am.

So basically I slept for more than 30 hours.


And I just yawned.. time to sleep! Haha..

It doesn't take a lot to make me feel motivated and inspired.

I feel motivated. Enough to last.. 40 days hopefully.

HIKE HIKE HIKE.

I'm loving it.

First, I have to fix the back.. then strengthen the shoulder. Work the ankle and hold it in place. Then it's all good..

The process is the most important thing. Results are secondary. We can't control the outcome but the process is definitely in my hands.

I love WOLF and PASTORMANIAC. Super Love. They made my day!

Going to Daryl's now. Play mahjong. :)

You see, I asked Andrew Tam about what to do regarding dropping of my 2 modules. Doing it on Oasis immediately gives me a W or F grade. So he asked me to contact Prof Pang Eng Fong. Prof Pang asked me to contact Prof Francis. But Prof Francis asked me to contact Terence Gue who then helped me inform the admin side to withdraw my modules without a W grade. Andrew just looked for me and asked me how it was going and I told him that Terence has helped me with it. Then he said I was supposed to contact Prof Pang and asked how come I went to Terence. I didn't tell him that Prof Pang asked me to contact Prof Francis who asked me to contact Terence. So then I told him that after he told me to contact Prof Pang, I was asked to contact Prof Francis instead and then Prof Francis asked me to contact Terence. So then he was like... Oh.... ok... :)

Hearing C speak always makes me feel very inspired. I almost teared at one point in time. I think you were close to tears too.(I think. haha) Honestly, no matter what people think of you, you'll always be someone I look up to, someone i trust and love. People just don't see. :) Yes, back to the good old days. No more 2 hour crying session before race day. I promise.

I wouldn't be going if not for you. Just like the last time. I know that.


Anyway, I hope the bbq was good. Although it wasn't easy to entertain everyone I hope everyone had a good time. :) I think the younger ones are lovely. Porridge for roy who can't chew. :) Nice chicken wings btw. And thanks Jov for peeling prawns for me.


There are many things which we don't think people see, people actually see. And it's this little things that gets us somewhere. We don't do it to let people see, but they see somehow. Some way or another. Sooner or later. Lao tian you yian (direct translation: "old sky" aka God got eyes).

I'm missing dad right now. I love daddy.

Matt(Lala's little brother) said: "If i get 97% for a paper, the paper is 3% wrong."

It's so cute to see matt stick so close to zhichao like a flower to a tree.

Btw, lala's dog is called Jet Lee. ("Well he IS part of the LEE family!" she said.)



The news didn't bring along jubilation. But instead, some doubts and uncertainties.

Have you ever felt like you just want to be alone not because you're sad or feeling emo? You just want to have some time alone. To enjoy the sea breeze. Breathe in fresh air and watch the sun set.

solitude.

When I was in sec4, I used to love jogging or rollerblading to bedok jetty with my literature book, "Abraham's Promise" by Philip Jeyaretnam. I would read the book and then watch the sunset behind the CBD buildings.




Master your fate?

She is right. I never work hard enough.

I've never worked hard enough.

You want something, you go and get it.

It's in my head but why can't I do it?

That's the problem with me. I know this stuff. I know where not to be at the start but i still stayed there. I know it was too early but I still tacked. I know there's tar but I don't clean it. I know I need to work so much harder but it's raining?! It's the stupid things I do that hinders my growth.


I ask to many questions and do too little.



there were so many fewer questions
when stars were still just the holes to heaven

Some randoms thoughts dedicated to my best friend:

I think life is about the experiences we go through. The good and the bad.

It's ok to cry. Whether you really feel like it or not. It's just a way to release strain in the subconcious mind.

When things seem like it can't get any worse, it sometimes CAN get worse.

BUT!!

When it definitely can't get any worse, things will start going uphill. (You'll see..)

At the end of the day, you'll look back and laugh. Maybe not laugh... smile at the very least. :)

No Matter What by Boyzone:

No matter what they tell us
No matter what they do
No matter what they teach us
What we believe is true

No matter what they call us
However they attack
No matter where they take us
We'll find our own way back

I can't deny what I believe
I can't be what I'm not
I know I'll love forever
I know, no matter what

If only tears were laughter
If only night was day
If only prayers were answered
Then we would hear God say

No matter what they tell you
No matter what they do
No matter what they teach you
What you believe is true

And I will keep you safe and strong
And sheltered from the storm
No matter where it's barren
A dream is being born

No matter who they follow
No matter where they lead
No matter how they judge us
I'll be everyone you need

No matter if the sun don't shine
Or if the skies are blue
No matter what the end is
My life began with you

I can't deny what I believe
I can't be what I'm not
I know, I know
I know this love's forever
That's all that matters now
No matter what

And like I always say. People don't always think the same way as we do. But we've got to believe that, what we believe is true.

Why are you so alarmed? Oh.. "Alarmjit".

Haha, that was so funny. The prof said that in class today to a guy called Alamjit.

Was listening to the adventures of Ping and Pong on radio while driving. They were talking about diffcult english words and one asked the other if he knew what some words meant. One of which was seizure.

"What about seizure?"
"Oh, yes. I learnt it in Literature before!"
"Oh, really?"
"Ya, Julius Seizure"

And tablet means baby table.

Super love meeting my abang.

He makes my day, anytime.

One of those people whom I can't imagine life without.


Some people I almost can't live without:
Dad my pillar of support.
Mum loves me like mice love rice.
Na loves me and helps me with my sch work.
Tiff scolds me for my own good all the time.
Koh is :)
Abang is always there.
Dawn is my memory and my short pillar of support.
All my friends make me happy.

And recently i've discovered: Yaya is my "finder". without her, i won't be able to find many things.

For every down, there will be an up.

Live by that and you'll do juuusstt fine.

1)Spent 10 minutes searching for my bike lock key. Found it in my shorts pocket in the laundry basket.

2)Went downstairs, hopped on my bike. Problem with the gears and chain. Fixed it after meddling with it for a while.

3)Went home, bathed, changed and headed for school. Walk towards bus stop and slipped. ALMOST fell.

4)Happily missed my volvo 36.

5)Went onto bus 16. Conductor insisted that my bus card is a stolen card because the machine told him so. In other words, I stole my own card which had my photo and my IC number on it. And my card got confiscated.


It's really ok. I can take it. Because I live by this; for every down, there will be an up.

In sec2, I had a funny dream one night which enlightened my whole being. Haha. I dreamt of one of those heart-beat machines that monitors patients' conditions in hospitals. And I was just looking at how it works. You see, when the machine shows crests and troughs, you're.. alive. But if it's just one straight line, then it's HIGHLY possible that you're pretty damn dead. It just goes to show that life IS full of ups and downs.

And the reason why I say "for every down there will be an up" and not "for every up there will be a down" is because the latter is kind of negative, while the former is a more positive way of thinking.

And it's true. No one can be at a low all their life.

So, be happy when all's not going well!

just now, nico knee-ed bryan in the ear by accident and bryan's ear started bleeding.

he cried.. and I felt some kind of heartache.

i hate seeing children cry.

but they need to get hurt to learn.

it's always the hard way isn't it?

and i think angie is WAY cute!

Thinking about that day, at taka with dawn, brings back interesting memories. The day we received THE call from Creeth.

It was impossible to concentrate on my notes when we were expecting the call that day.

Hey, it was almost exactly 2 years ago now. I told myself beforehand; if i get chosen, i'm going to cut my hair real short. And I did. Haha. And my hair was real short.

What happened next? I quit school. It was part of the deal actually.

Anyway, I would have totally flunked Alevels if I tried to do both. So it was good that me having to quit school was part of the agreement.

I felt the pressure was on us now because we had to win.

We pulled through although the whole experience was a super sour one. It doesn't really work out if you have 2 stubbornheads in one boat. We both knew it wasn't really gonna work out in the near future(as of 2 years ago). We both grew and matured a bit since then, I hope.

These 1 and a 1/2 years in radial has given me so much time to reflect, to grow and to experience something new altogether. I'm thankful for how things have turned out because i've changed, hopefully, for the better.


I wanted to prove to myself that I can get somewhere as a helm.

I didn't win the selections but for some reason I have been selected.

So, here we go round again

It's been a year now, but I still think of my grandfather, dongdong, a lot.

(HA! My new blog is making me so enthu to keep posting..)

I've never really spent a lot of time with him when he was alive. But towards the last few years, I slowly realised that he wasn't going to be around for much longer.

The last 2-3 years, i've gone back to hongkong a few times for different purposes. And I always looked forward to going to dongdong's 1 room flat at TongLoWan(i think).

The flat is small and a little cramped. Once you enter the door, the bed is on the right, TV on the left. Walk on a few more steps, cupboard on the left, double decker bed on the right. At the very end, toilet on the right, kitchen on the left.

He didn't want to burden mummy and daddy because of his medical conditions, and therefore refused to come to singapore with us. It would cost a lot because he's not citizen. He had diabetes. (And I suspect he knew he had lung cancer all along and didn't want to tell us)

Everytime I think of him, I see his eyes. I see the look of resolution.

Dongdong: I will only use a walking stick if my grand daughter buys one for me.
Me: I will get you one the next time I come to Hongkong.

That's the last thing I said to him. I flew off that day so I had no time to buy him a walking stick.

I also promised that I'll call him once in a while. I never did.

Then I received a call in school one day. It was my grand-uncle calling from Hongkong. All I remember him saying was, "Your Gonggong.. passed away... peaceful...tell mummy."

That very night, Ashwin sent me a song. Where'd You Go by Fort Minor.

He didn't know..

I've broken two promises. And there's no way I was ever going to call him on the phone, or give him a walking stick personally. I still remember the words "he didn't say goodbye" kept resounding in my head, and I cried for hours for a few days,

When the 5 of us flew back for the funeral, Daddy brought me to an old shopping mall where I bought a wooden walking stick. Had to be wooden.

It's funny how I thought he was sleeping behind the glass door at the funeral parlor. I was thinking, when he wakes up, I can talk to him and pass him the walking stick. I thought silly thoughts like that only happened to actors and actresses in drama serials.

It was the only time I ever saw mummy wail so loudly and painfully.

I don't think I can ever delete his number from my handphone.

5 years

K brought it up this time but I wasn't sure I wanted to talk about it anymore.

"There was a world out there for me," I said, "I was selfish. Sorry."

And that's all I could say.

Regrets? Yea, sometimes I feel an awful lot of regret.




7 months

J apologized.

Didn't expect it because I didn't blame him in the first place.

But he did anyway.




Always wanted to post this kind of nebulous entries but didn't think it was appropriate. Not a good idea to let the whole world know stuff like this about me anyway.

There are always lots of thoughts in my mind that i want to type out and share with everyone, but often I feel that that's not the kind of stuff people want to read. (plus, i'm kinda lazy to keep a diary, lose it, start another diary.. ..) And I don't want to go around teaching people about life and how to live their life.

I've always lived by a few values that i've sort of "discovered" for myself through the years.

You are as happy as you allow yourself to be.

Seeing people, especially young adults, wallow themselves in self-pity pisses me off sometimes. I must admit I used to do it a lot when I was younger, but i've come out of it. And at least be able to realise it when i'm doing it. SO, there is hope for everybody.

Being happy is easy. All you have to do is try to look at the positive side of things; people and situations. See less of the negative and you'll see how easy it is to get by life and feel gratified with all the little things that life offers.

A few weeks ago, I brought Garrett, my little primary 3 tuition kid, to East Coast Park. He had so much fun and now keeps bugging me to bring him there again. I had 10 times more fun than him. The most substantial and meaningful thing i've gained is joy.

We have to learn to find joy in the simplest things and forget the negative as much as possible.

Joy comes by quite often, you have to capture those moments and acknowlegde them. Then those happy moments will be locked in forever.

I might not be the happiest person on earth yet, because I haven't fully mastered the skill of forgiving and forgetting the bad. When i'm able to do that, I know that's when my heart has space to contain all the love that the world has to offer.

But I know i'm the luckiest person on earth.