testify to love

It's been a year now, but I still think of my grandfather, dongdong, a lot.

(HA! My new blog is making me so enthu to keep posting..)

I've never really spent a lot of time with him when he was alive. But towards the last few years, I slowly realised that he wasn't going to be around for much longer.

The last 2-3 years, i've gone back to hongkong a few times for different purposes. And I always looked forward to going to dongdong's 1 room flat at TongLoWan(i think).

The flat is small and a little cramped. Once you enter the door, the bed is on the right, TV on the left. Walk on a few more steps, cupboard on the left, double decker bed on the right. At the very end, toilet on the right, kitchen on the left.

He didn't want to burden mummy and daddy because of his medical conditions, and therefore refused to come to singapore with us. It would cost a lot because he's not citizen. He had diabetes. (And I suspect he knew he had lung cancer all along and didn't want to tell us)

Everytime I think of him, I see his eyes. I see the look of resolution.

Dongdong: I will only use a walking stick if my grand daughter buys one for me.
Me: I will get you one the next time I come to Hongkong.

That's the last thing I said to him. I flew off that day so I had no time to buy him a walking stick.

I also promised that I'll call him once in a while. I never did.

Then I received a call in school one day. It was my grand-uncle calling from Hongkong. All I remember him saying was, "Your Gonggong.. passed away... peaceful...tell mummy."

That very night, Ashwin sent me a song. Where'd You Go by Fort Minor.

He didn't know..

I've broken two promises. And there's no way I was ever going to call him on the phone, or give him a walking stick personally. I still remember the words "he didn't say goodbye" kept resounding in my head, and I cried for hours for a few days,

When the 5 of us flew back for the funeral, Daddy brought me to an old shopping mall where I bought a wooden walking stick. Had to be wooden.

It's funny how I thought he was sleeping behind the glass door at the funeral parlor. I was thinking, when he wakes up, I can talk to him and pass him the walking stick. I thought silly thoughts like that only happened to actors and actresses in drama serials.

It was the only time I ever saw mummy wail so loudly and painfully.

I don't think I can ever delete his number from my handphone.